I am a fish. That is what I feel like... A fish taken out of its home.. just happily swimming along with all my family and friends.. only thing to worry about is what I am going to eat for dinner... Of course, all is not perfect... the sharks come through, the fisherman casts his pole..... I may get lost for a moment..... or two... but still...I am with the rest of the fish doing as I have always done.
Then one day God pulls me out of the water.
I am thrashing, trying to breathe...flipping and flopping ....and he says to me in his still quiet voice...:
"Stop... hold still....do you not have faith in me...? Do you not know that the thrashing and flipping is only making it harder on you?"
So... Now I see... A fish... taken out of one ocean... a Wonderful ocean with beautiful sunsets and plenty to eat.... An ocean where predators are scarce and for the most part keep their distance.
And even when troubled times arose...they lasted only a moment.
So...here we are.... 5 months into this new life and I still find myself thrashing... I do know that God has his hand on us and will put us in a new body of water....where we will thrive....of course we will have to adapt to new waters.... watch out for different kinds of predators and everything will change.
Hmmmm...You do know I am not one to adapt to change........Don't you? I liked my old ocean! The water there was PERFECT! I have watched it all around me... trials and tribulations..... hard times and wonderful times....friends loving ....friends losing.
Husband struggling.
So...today.....it was a tough one... I first must tell you that I am sorry we have not spoken in so long..I have not forgotten you...Not for a moment...You are always on my mind...in my heart...
As I have stated AA has decided that they like me better full time. That kind of puts a damper on my alone time...
They came and picked up Marks company car today. Boy that was hard...not the fact the car itself is gone...But the reality that he is really now without a job ....That is a hard one.
I feel God with me...I beg him every night for his Peace to fill my heart and he is always there for me...So I DO KNOW that all will be all right in the end.... But I am not a patient person......
As if you didn't know that already... I am kind of into instant gratification......It is the not knowing that kills us both....
Mark flies to Phoenix next week for an interview for a Great Job with a Great company...it is the job he wants with the title he deserves...But it is in Phoenix.
If you know me you know I do enjoy Marks travels when he is gone for a night or so here and there...Pizza night here at the Damato house and Savanna says it is Girl Party time..!(:
But for him to be gone all the time? I don't think this little fishy will be very happy...How will I run the store....the Ice Cream Shoppe?
I should add that our adorable Ice Cream Shoppe will be open in less than two weeks.... It is called Scoop Me, and we are all looking forward to it......Through all this we have been incredibly blessed......I have always been blessed by my Sweet Father in Heaven.... All of this is not monetary though it may seem that way in my speaking....It is just as much having my husband broken down and down and out all summer that has taken its toll on me. Money... comes and goes.... But his poor spirit is so broken...even now ....
Lord Please give me strength now more than ever for the more time that passes the sadder he gets.
I am thrashing around as well.... as I stated....not quite sure what to do... which way to turn....
Next year this time we will be sitting on the porch of our Ice Cream Shoppe looking back at this year and reflecting on all God has taught us throughout...It is the times like these that we start to appreciate.
This new ocean.... hmmmm...... The water may actually turn out to be better...sweeter....the light filtering through the water ........the way the moon hits at night.......
Change is good....Right?
God will put us in our new ocean....I fear we may have to stop thrashing about first.
How hard is it to just surrender.... Well my friend...it is hard.
Fighting for breath in a new place...taken out of your comfort zone all of a sudden.. in an instant.... ....of course you have to thrash at first....it is instinct....we are human after all and have it in us to fight....just as a fish feels as if it thrashes around enough it can escape and get back home.
I have watched friends struggling with things far worse than mine this year. I feel selfish even writing this.....But truly....I feel as if it is a lesson that God is teaching us and maybe through me we can all learn a lesson.... that no matter what.....we must surrender.
Throw our hands in the air.

You know he is there...You feel him.... That warmth in your heart.....that tear in your eye.
That Joy that only he can bring.I have to stop and grab onto those moments. Think of the past..... that gets you to the future.
Some people may say don't look back... of course....you must look back....always......
look at what you have been through... the mountains you have climbed..... the way God has carried you in times you were too weak to walk.I find great strength in remembering these things.
When you see what he has done for you in the past you know he will carry you through these tough times as well..... I know this......I do....but several times a day I still find myself panicking..... What if we have to sell the house...? What if .......too many what ifs to mention.
It doesn't help when you turn on the news and watch foreclosure rates jumping to record levels.... What my fellow countrymen are going through as well...It is all around us....People hurting.
Life is just hard sometimes....! There is no getting around it I suppose.. I know that in Gods eyes it is but a second.... But it sure feels like a long summer to me...!
Pray for my sweet husband that he knocks the socks off in his interview next Thursday in Phoenix.....We will get through whatever we have to for as long as we have to .....Good thing I work for AA.....!(:

On a brighter note... I love my husband...I love my life.... I love my house, my neighbors, my children and the Big Blue Texas Sky....I am in awe of what God has done for me ........Truly.
I have the most Wonderful friends and sisters in Christ......I attend a phenomenal church and get to work in my own cute little boutique every day. I am blessed.... Do you see why I loved my old ocean....? All this and my husband had the perfect job......
Okay okay....I am thrashing..... see? It sneaks up on me.....
Pray for this little fish.... that she is able to see the big picture.....That God put her in the new ocean for reasons only he may know.May we all thrive in our new ocean!
May you thrive as well my friends.... I know you have all been struggling as well....May God give you the Peace and the strength to make it through....May you all overcome and be joyful ..May we all cry out his name in praise...
and may we all stop thrashing.....

Love you all...

Defining moment...Remember how I told you they picked up my husbands car today...?
Well as only he could do...he bought me a new convertible VW completely impractical car but one I have wanted for a very long time...Just goes to show you..... He is one in a million. Thank You Jesus.....Your Grace is amazing...Your love abounding and your lessons.....Hard.